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How to summarize this statement of achievment?

by Donald Baker

"Each of the four liquor lines has a liquid ring vacuum pump connected to the filler via hundreds of feet of copper tubing. They had to be rebuilt every few months because when the lines stopped the pumps would deadhead and overheat. Also the guys that were rebuilding the pumps were not doing a good job due to their lack of knowledge in this area. I installed vacuum relief valves and regulators then rebuilt all the pumps and they never failed again in the four years I was there after that. By recognizing and correcting this problem I significantly reduced down time."

I have several achievements such as this that would take a long winded statement like this to describe. I am trying to create a precise resume but am having trouble fitting it all in and still be explanatory.

Answer: Hi Donald... the problem is, you're trying to tell the whole story, which really isn't necessary in a resume. Your purpose with a resume is to give highlights, in the form of short statements or bullets, that will leave them wanting to know more about you and how you achieved such great things! You don't have to tell them everything they want to know up front. Really...

Here's what I might do with the above statement:

"Identified and corrected an ongoing problem with vacuum pump failures by installing vacuum relief valves and regulators, resulting in no further failures or downtime for 4 years"

It's still a bit long, but significantly shorter than what you originally wrote. And, knowing nothing about what you're talking about, I think it still communicates what great things you did!

Hope that helps...

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